Depression is real…Even the strongest sisters bow down to the might of shattering thoughts of depression. It eats away your being…You lose yourself within yourself. As you tender your head on your pillow your mind escapes at 2 AM. Your mind races like a horse hurling through ‘is this me now?’… Even so it’s the most terrifying dimension to journey on alone. When your soul cries out it uses different kinds of mechanisms, including depression with its claws …
Girl, how does one teleport pain to words as feeling…I mean the kind of pain that’s as raw as the tears drizzling down my cheeks… Girl, as I hold back my crippling thoughts with red cheeks, I know you have felt it before, your soul, while trying to cry out the grievance within your grasps, but you find yourself gripping to the mere muscle in your chest. As you inhale then exhale a breeze of “it’s going be okay” projects deeply as the pressure pampers your lips, dances in chanting misery. You wipe your own tears and snorts with your own bare hands as you can feel every pulse lapse beat by beat… “When is this session ending?”, the heart asked the soul to brief the mind.
Some nights are nights while others are just swampy sessions that run deeper than depth filled doubtful sessions scripting and sculpting better days. “If I kill myself maybe things would be better” or” if I did this and that…” or “maybe it’s me”. It feels like the world is caving in while gravity is just pulling the last ounce of you deep into a swamp of depression. The offshore ain’t greener pastures either it’s filled with the “why’s” and “who’s” of spectators .
Depression is deep.
It has enough power to turn an optimistic being into a pessimist. It’s not like you are weak or crazy; though it feels like it. There are fundamental health facts that subject mental underlining in one case. I’m no expert, girl, but we need to realise, study our mentalities and all our individual traits, as mental health is highly related to our soul and definitive purpose in life. Depression is a way that our purpose transmits, better yet in modern terminology it carries honesty and just speaks volumes into our hearts desires in three different formalities to our souls. Which causes the build up of emotions in forms of water-works, feeling incomplete or not living up to your wildest dreams. This accumulates deep thoughts with a lot of pressure from your institution speaking life into your gut feelings. It’s intoxicating emotional drilling that’s mixed with good and bad motives… First time mothers bulldoze themselves through it strength by strength. It’s called “Post Traumatic Stress”.
Honey, it’s twirling on emotions with a lot of mounting pressure and it’s definitely a wholesale of sessions in your journey. I call it Depression as deep-pressure-sessions…I hope you get it by understanding this rawness being penned in the form of a journey-journal. These are sessions that I have passed through. I never thought a whole me, in my wildest dreams, would find herself beneath her aspirations… Life is humbling sessions that are gifts wrapped inside hard times that unveil your truth. Your super-power nature to overcome as a being. I used to think if you speak life into a situation then it’s real. Let me be a little modest, I’m not picture perfect, let alone happy on the grounds I walk right now. I’m supposed to be brainstorming editorial links in New York, being head-hunted by GQ babes …Sipping luxurious champagne for brunch as I type this on my mothers 7-year-old lazy couch…
Sisters…Let us undress our depression within each other’s telescopic lenses. As we teleport each chapter, page by page to grasp our purpose through our different spectrums…Depression manifests one’s treasured thoughts without permission, it invades in peace and we scrapbook each benefit gained through losing yourself and facing healthy healing within.
As we explore spirituality, meditation, relationships with our inner being etc. “Be not afraid of nothing. You have within you all wisdom, all power, all strength, all understanding.” -Eileen Caddy. Healing begins with opening up our vessels of hope and refilling them with our truth.
Let’s grasp Sisterhood vibes by supporting each other!
By guest blogger: Samkelisiwe Valerie Leonel Zulu